When I was a kid, I would get hives if I ate strawberries. That went away, and I got hives from eating chocolate. That also went away. I know that these went away because I ate the food again. Then the itchy mouth that I would get from pecans and walnuts turned into anaphylaxis. That has not gone away. Then I ate some amazing oysters, and ended up with violent vomiting for 36 hours and very painful weeklong rash that covered more than half my body. It clicked that an earlier bout of what was thought to be food poisoning might have been a reaction to some cooked mussels.
I'm careful about such things, but I'm also more informed than most. I've done a lot of research and know that there isn't really such a classification as "tree nut"--there are drupes, like almonds and pistachios (related to stone fruits), and hazelnuts are related to birch trees, while chestnuts are closer to oaks and beeches. Cashews are their own weird thing, as are coconuts. Pine nuts are the seeds from any number of pine tree species. I can eat all of these with nothing but delight. Brazil nuts, pecans and English walnuts send me into anaphylaxis. No idea about macadamia nuts; I've never had one. When I first ate a pistachio, I did so when I had my epi-pen in hand, and a clear schedule for the evening, and the consent of my husband, who was up for rushing me to the ER if necessary. I totally get that I'm the weirdo with this attitude. Life is a gift, and life is also a short-term problem. I wear my seat belt, but I don't live in a bubble.
I also know a lot of people who lie about allergies. Being allergic is a socially acceptable way to get out of eating something you don't want to; this is not a secret. It's seen as more polite than just saying you don't like something, chefs in particular here it all the time. There are also a lot of parents, some I know well and some I only read about, who claim life-threatening allergies in their kids, when what they really mean is "when I took my kid to be tested, the doctor scared the crap out of me." The kid has never actually had anaphylaxis, they simply had a very reactive test done. Allergies being as changeable as they are, a test when they're 5 could be irrelevant when they are 6; in my experience as a patient, allergists are not always forthcoming about this, because they don't want to be liable in case of a horrible incident.
As a non-parent, there are days when "life-threatening allergies" sounds not unlike "my kid is a genius." Some of what I hear presented as fact--like a kid can't even be in the same room as a peanut--I really wonder about. I find it interesting that I can physically handle walnuts with no problems at all, but any sort of contact between nut juice and those oh-so-absorbent tissues in my mouth has my gums bleeding, my eustachian tube on fire, and my mouth exploding in pain within seconds. An actual piece of nut, chewed and swallowed, equals a visit from an EMT. Yes, you over-protective parent folks, your kid will also get into Hogwarts, win an Olympic medal and play Carnegie Hall--assuming they're not killed by a nearby peanut in elementary school. When parents get into those absurd one-upsmanship conversations about how special and/or fragile their darling child is--well, as someone who is generally an eavesdropper in those conversations, they sound like idiots. Today's parents tend to be a fearful bunch. And when you combine this fear with the nationwide tendency to dumb down the food our kids eat--chicken nuggets, pre-cut apple slices, mac-n-cheese--well, it looks like another form of helicopter parenting, and as such deserves no approval.
This sounds like I am a cruel and compassionless jerk, which I am not. I go to great lengths to feed people food they can eat, and that they will like, even though I have friends and family members who are variously low-carb, low-fat, low-salt, low glycemic index, vegan, vegetarian, pescetarian, soy-free, dairy-free, gluten-free and sugar-free--or just run-of-the-mill picky eaters--and it is absurdly complicated to feed them all. I also hope that my cavalier attitude about my own allergies provides a different perspective. Having a food allergy is not like having cancer. It's easy to work around, it's not a death sentence, it's not a "fight" to "win" sort of idea, and for the most part it's not even that big of a deal. It's more like being a natural redhead--you're a bit of a freak of nature, and you should live with it for a while, until your body changes again. And yes, I just called myself a freak of nature, and I do not hate myself or those I know with allergies. It's not a great evolutionary tactic, you know?
It's sweet and well-intentioned when parents go to lengths to provide kids' classrooms with "allergen-free food" but I wonder--how are the kids who can't eat almonds cleared to eat apricot fruit leather? What about kids like me, who got hives from strawberries, or the guy I know in England who's allergic to pears, of all things, or the kid who thanks to a rough start in life has oral aversion and eating is a real struggle? How do veggies and a bowl of hummus help a woman who can't eat garlic? The made-up term "allergen-free" relieves some parents, but it certainly doesn't mean it's all-inclusive. If the US suddenly got an influx of SE Asian or Japanese immigrants, whose populations have a much higher rate of rice allergies, then suddenly the gluten-free mixes would be a big problem. And meanwhile, Seattle's in the midst of a whooping cough epidemic because we've lost our herd immunity, and I've read that Vashon Island has lost its herd immunity to polio. You don't get your kid immunized against polio, but you worry about peanuts? Your theoretical priorities are utterly fucked up.
What I would love to see: a culture where medical science helped people cope with fear, rather than inspired fear. Inclusiveness without smugness, and celebratory group activities that didn't revolve entirely around food. A balance of personal responsibility and societal support. A new way of talking about food, so people didn't have to lie about allergies to be served food they liked. An agreement that there is no such thing as perfect health, and that minor ailments like diarrhea, a rash or a headache are both avoidable and not the end of the world if they do happen.