Pigeons are now equipped with GPS systems and blogs. One can purchase an animatronic desktop squirrel which works as a personal assistant. Hamsters are found to suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (please note that a disinclination to slurp sugar water is taken as a sign of depression. I am the happiest girl on earth.)
While the following is not exactly a wonder of our age, I loved it so much I must glue it in here for the world at large to admire. If you know Sweetie you may have already read this. Read it again, or not, as you like, but please do follow his suggestion of bringing florists six-packs. I am absolutely smitten with the image of drunken, happy florists actually enjoying what has to be a fully miserable day at work. Here:
2005, Valentine's Day, [Sweetie]'s office:
Two young women who sat next to me received calls from the receptionist: "You have a package." They excitedly scurry off for their Valentine's Day presents. They both return with ProFlowers boxes. They open them up and both receive a dozen red roses and a box of chocolate. Everything is identical. The product codes match. They make some jokes about receiving the same set, but are disappointed in their boyfriends. In fact, embarrassed in front of their coworkers. It's Valentine's Day and they want to feel loved and unique. Instead they get boyfriend-Valentine-gift-A from the conveyor belt. They do not feel special.
I may have not helped matters.
That was last year. That might have been you last year. You have another opportunity this time. Show some effort. Clicking on a 1-800-Flowers banner and purchasing Valentine-gift-A does not show effort.
My recommendation to you is go to a florist that day. Put down the mouse and do something offline for your valentine. People have done this for hundreds of years. Maybe you will have to wait in line. It's called "effort."
Anyway, be nice to the florist - it's their biggest day of the year. They worked late last night to prepare for today. They will be tired. Have a dollar amount in mind. Tell the florist you want to spend X on a bouquet and "no roses, make it different." This will peak her (or his) interest. She will ask "what about _____?" If you know your valentine has a preference, state it. If not and the suggested flower is not ugly to you, say "sounds perfect." You will end up with an arrangement that may not be big, but it will not match any of your valentine's coworkers' presents. Your valentine will feel loved and special.
If you are downtown, I strongly recommend Young Flowers on 3rd Avenue and Spring. A former neighbor works there and she is nice. They are all nice, but this is going to be their worst day. If you are happy with your service perhaps you offer to get her a coffee. Or bring them a six-pack. You can have more than one valentine.
I meant to send this weeks ago. I apologize. You may have already clicked on a ProFlowers banner. Can you cancel it? Yes, it will take effort, but that's what we are talking about.